just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
