I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
