I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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