I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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