does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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