I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
