atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
