Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
