So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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