Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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