first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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