i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
