I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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