Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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