Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
