What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize