Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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