Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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