You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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