my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
