we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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