He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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