What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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