yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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