You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
