She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
