she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
