I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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