You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
