i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
