just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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