Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
