Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
