This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
