god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
