I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
