u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
