the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
