She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
false alarm. still invincible.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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