She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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