OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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