also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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