so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
