oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
