he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
