i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
