Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
