how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
