I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
