I'm passing your future prison.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just had sex on a roof
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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