I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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