your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
