My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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