I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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