So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
