just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
