I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
