Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
