Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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