The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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