He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
