about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
