I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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