I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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