Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
