Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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